Parenting tips: Power to control or love

Most parents are often thinking that they’ve got the power over their children because children are their dependants.  Children depend on them for all sorts of life’s needs such as:  food, accommodation, clothes, and other supports and love…etc. However, if parents are using too much of their power over their children and want to use it as a tool of control,  parents will often feel that they are losing their power or it will completely disappear when their children grow up, usually just before they turn 18 or after that age.

Have parents ever asked themselves: Does anybody want to be controlled by their parents? If the answer is no, then probably their children will be thinking the same and children will not like their parents who want to use their power to control them.

If parents try using their powers to control their children during teenage years, it will increase their teenager’s pressures, anger and tension and which can all lead to stress and depression later on in their children’s lives.  Both physical and mental health can be affected.

Often the children of these parents want to try, in anyway they can, to release themselves out of their parent’s powers of control.  They are often going against and challenging, their parents, with results such as: they do not listen to their parents, they run away from home, drop out of school, muck around with “bad” friends, go out to parties more often, drink alcohol, smoke, get tattoos, use drugs or attempt to try out all, so called, “bad stuff” at an early age …etc

Negative affects in children

Whether parents want it or not, using powers to make all decisions for children may lead children to lose their ability to learn how to make decisions by themselves.  They may also lose their self esteem, feel shamed and often not have positive thinking. Relationships between children and parents may break down completely, children may not want to get close to their parents and may not want to talk to them or trust them and may not want want to share their stories. The children may hide themselves in their rooms to play games, chat on-line, watch movies…etc…, instead of doing their homework.  At school these children are often isolating themselves from others or having trouble with them. Other active young people will not likely want to make friends with those young people who don’t want to be active.

Inner suffering

Young people who always do things that their parents tell them to do without question, can become an irresponsible kind of person.  Inside they will always feel confused and will not take responsibility for their actions. Even worse than that they can become their parent’s tools. On the other hand, parents who are worried about losing their power with their children, may try to apply more strict discipline and it can create more conflicts and gaps in communication, which is where communication breakdowns start and from here it can be difficult to “reconnect”.

Let’s think of it in this way: when we are doing something we do not like because we have no choice about doing it, it has no meaning for us.  Children will use this, “use power to control” model, like a boomerang that they throw back toward their parents. Parents will only find lasting success when they discuss with children the things that they would like them to do, and encourage and support them to do things that are useful and meaningful for both parents and their children. Educating children by using too much power to control will bring negative results afterwards.  Parents are better off using powers to love them with unconditional love.

I wish you find love in parenting your children, not control.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s